I’ve been waking up an hour before my alarm goes off everyday. For a long time now, I wanted
to be able to do this naturally. You know those crazy people who get up at the ass crack of dawn (what does that even mean?) before the rest of the word is awake to “put in that good work.” The last few days I’ve woken up like this, my head thought up a big fat NO THANKS and sent me straight back to sleep.
This morning was different though. I wanted to stay awake this morning. All the thoughts popped up saying “this is what you wanted, you asked for this, now just do it dammit!” So I did it and here I am. I haven’t done much —I got up to pee, came back to bed, meditated for a bit and now here I am, feeling inspired to turn my thoughts about this moment into content for you 🙃
Waking up this morning before the rest of my house and what feels like the rest of the world (cos you know, no one wakes up until I do 😅), also woke me up to the fact that, it’s not about getting a boat load of stuff done in the morning during this time. If you’re one of those people that has been waking up super early for years and you’re able to bounce up and get shit down —good for you, I aspire to be in that position one day. For now though, while I begin this routine and learn to create this habit, I find that it’s not about how much you can get done, rather, it’s about opening this time for your self.
Waking up this early, without the company of others, allows me to focus on just me and MY life and MY experience. If you’re like me, an empath, then you probably spend a good amount of your time catering to the needs of other people the second you wake up -whether it’s a spouse, a child, a roommate or a family member, you’re out here trying to help and care for others. Again, if you’re like me, then you probably don’t cater to your own needs as much as you should or as much as you require either.
Opening this time in the morning isn’t about adding more time which equals adding more stuff to my day. It’s about taking the time to focus on me, to hear the silence within me, to hear and reflect on how my body and mind are doing and how they are feeling. It’s about getting that repetitive cycle of negative thoughts out before the day begins so I can start fresh with a new days perspective and a head full of new, intentional thoughts. It’s about waking up to the silence of what I have to be grateful for all around me. It’s about having a moment to find the progress I make towards accomplishing my goals no matter how big or small. I think it’s easy to not give ourselves credit for our progress especially when the progress seems small or not quite what we hoped for;
This morning I meditated in bed. I was half sitting and half laying on my pillow. The fan was still on, and blankets were everywhere. I also wasn’t wearing any pants, and I took a pee break in the middle of it. I initially started judging myself for not being perfect —for not sitting upright with my back straight and my core engaged, for not being in my meditation space/room, for having distractions and being messy and what some would view as “lazy,” but then these thoughts popped in my head.. what if I didn’t have legs and couldn’t get out of bed without the help of another person? What if I was deaf and the fan being on didn’t matter? What if I didn’t have the ability to sit up straight?
Is it just me or is there other people out there that feel like practicing meditation has to be perfect? Or that, you yourself have to be perfect in any situation to participate in it? I find myself not participating in things because I set these high expectations for myself that aren’t realistic. Then I follow that up with beating myself up for not being able to meet these expectations which causes me to just avoid doing things altogether, waiting and holding out for the day where I’ll be perfect at it. Let’s be real though, that’s a shitty belief system going on inside that I will not carry into 2020! And if you carry this shitty belief system, you owe it to yourself to shed it too!
Progress is progress and as long as intention is there, progress will occur.
Today it was nice waking up and forgiving myself for the high expectations I hold myself to, and being grateful for the progress I make, without judgment. I’m feeling like it’s easy to forget how slow and long life is in our “live fast, die young” society. So much so that the little daily progress we make goes unnoticed and it’s easy to get frustrated and get caught in the thought that if you’re not doing it perfectly, you must be failing so don’t do it all type mindset.
Going into 2020 I vow to be aware and be grateful of my progress no matter how big or small. I vow to be my biggest motivator, my biggest provider and my own best friend. I’ve spent too much time being the reason I stay small. How about you? What behaviors, belief systems, and/or thoughts do you have that hold you back from being the best version of you you desire to be?
Cheers to waking up early today! And if you didn’t, cheers to whatever it is today that you do that brings you closer to your desired reality!
Until next time,
The Cope Dealer 🧠🍃
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