Here’s a big question I’ve been pondering lately:
Why is that when we recognize a problem within our character, we cant just change the problem by recognizing it?
For example, if I worry too much or overthink things, why is that, even though I’m aware that I do this, why can’t I stop?
I’ve had quite a few people reach out to me and ask for assistance in dealing with anxiety, overthinking, over worrying and related issues. It’s hard for me to give answers to people because I’m a firm believer that every answer we need is within ourselves. So if I’m giving someone advice, I’m technically going against their authentic truth instead of allowing them to look within and find their own answers. So in other words, from my perspective, the best answer is silence and to wait for these people to discover their own answers. However, with the world we live in, a majority of humans want to have an opinion about everything and give advice even when the advice isn’t necessary or reliable. We all experience life differently so no other person living has our true answers aside from ourselves. We can be guided, but to ask for answers from others is like living the life of another. Because of this, I try to help, without helping too much. That fine line is veryyyyy hard to not cross.
The reasoning that has helped me understand why awareness of a problem within isn’t enough to fix the problem, is because, deep down, we enjoy it.
Some of you are probably like, “uh, is this chick serious? She thinks I ENJOY worrying or overthinking or anxiety? She must be more confused than I am.” However, it’s the truth. Take overthinking for example. Have you ever left a friends house or left work and on your way home you can’t stop overthinking about a convo you had, wondering if you did something right, if you could’ve done better, if things could’ve gone differently? You do this because in a way, it makes you feel better. It allows you to not focus on your feelings, and instead it distracts you with words and thoughts. If you over worry or over think, it’s because you’ve trained your mind to enjoy it. Like sparking up a “fresh” cigarette after a stressful couple hours at work. You’ve trained your mind to feel comforted by your over worrying and over thinking. It’s essentially an improper form of release.
If you think otherwise, then why can’t you stop?
The problem with enjoying these vicious cycles of made up thoughts and poorly made assumptions is that, over time, overworrying and overthinking can lead to expectations and predictions. Expectations and predictions of the future are essentially what creates anxiety and depression. When we predict things or see things being one way and they end up being different, our minds don’t particularly like that so it either goes into fight or flight mode (anxiety) or hibernation mode (depression) and then the cycle just continues.
So where can we begin to try and stop overthinking and over worrying to lessen our anxiety or depression?
The best answer is the answer you have already come up with: just stop.
Seriously, it’s that easy. If you catch yourself beginning to do this or even if it’s midway through a convo in your head, tell yourself “it’s over with, I don’t need to think about it anymore unless it returns.” Even question yourself at times, “why am I doing this? What good is it going to do me?” Ask yourself, is what I’m thinking creating a prediction about the future? Is it an assumption I’ve made up? After doing this a few times, you might find yourself wanting to keep overthinking, you may even just let yourself, but that right there is pleasure my friend, you are enjoying your thought brain and you are reaffirming this pleasure for next time. The only way to stop these patterns is to literally just identify them when you can and stop them once they’ve been identified even if you don’t fully stop every time. The effort is what is important.
Now the hard part: STICK TO IT.
The hardest part about ANYTHING in life is practice. We’ve been trained to win, to accomplish and to succeed. So when we tell our thinking brain one time to cut the shit and then the next week our anxiety is ten times worse, we shy away and stop practicing. Remember this though, your thinking brain (your mind) will test you when you start trying to rewire it. It’ll act like a speed bump on a highway. Just when you have a handle on things and you’re going full speed, it’ll show up and you’ll have to slow down again. And that’s okay but don’t stop practicing, over time, you will no longer relate pleasure to overthinking, you will find pleasure in silence and stillness and in letting go of what was and what will be and you will truly begin to live in the present moment and enjoy life fully in the now.
Sometimes it’s hard to get your mind to stop grinding gears so the best way for me to stop the worrying and overthinking is by repeating the opposite of those thoughts in my head. This is a bonus technique because it’ll help you reverse the feeling of enjoyment for these bad habits and instead it will create space for enjoyment of the present moment. So instead of worrying, I recite mantras that make me feel secure and confident in my past, present and future self just reaffirming that I have no reason to worry or overthink.
Phrases like;
I allow myself to let go of that which I cannot control.
The present moment gives me space to connect to consciousness and to release the past and future.
I did my best with what I had.
Mistakes will be made, but it’s not the
end of the world.
My feelings are valid, maybe I’m just viewing them from a lower vibration.
Those in the world who are meant to love me, will love me for me no matter what I say or do in my physical life.
I am not attached to anyone or anything enough to be controlled by their words or actions.
I am immune to external people and things that cause me internal conflict.
Hope one of you finds this post useful in your own beautiful livessss!
🧠 The Cope Dealer
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